lovemelovely:

Citi Bank passed a copy of this handout to everyone in their HR department.  This is few key “tips” for women to keep in mind to be taken seriously and succeed at work.  The writers at Jezebel came up with their own supplemental “tips” to success for women:

1. Women tend to have two X chromosomes — you are not heard.

2. Women menstruate in public — emphasizes your femininity and deemphasizes your capability.

3. Women sit vaginally — the power position when seated at a table is to have a penis.

4. Wear panties in meetings — boxer-wearers are seen as more assertive and knowledgeable than those in lacy underthings.

5. Women have wombs — children come out of wombs. Men don’t reproduce, they conquer.

6. Ovulate — women ovulate at the smallest provocation which erodes your self-confidence. Men tend to move into sperm producing mode.

7. Women tend to smile inappropriately — an “inappropriate” smile is a smile that is on a woman’s face.

8. Observe “Rules” — rules are made to be broken by men. When women break them, it is a violation of workplace culture. When women follow them, it is self-sabotage. To be safe, avoid being a woman whenever possible.

9. Being invisible — 90% of adult humans are unable to visually perceive women. Solution: wear a bear suit.

10. Offer a female handshake — the best way to combat this is to have a man’s hand transplanted onto your wrist. Or purchase a giant foam hand at a sports stadium. These are very masculine and you are sure to be taken extremely seriously while wearing one.

Read more: http://jezebel.com/5634959/citibank-hr-tells-ladies-how-to-succeed-at-work#ixzz0zciTCsfh

Not all women have XX chromosomes, menstruate, have vaginas, wear panties, have wombs, ovulate or smile. But anyone who identifies as a woman can be any shade of feminine and/or masculine and still be powerful! 

My version…

 Be Yourself!

1.    sometimes I like to speak softly—because softness is powerful

2.    I sometimes groom in public—because I like my femmeness to take up space.  

3.    I sometimes sit demurely—because I feel good sitting that way. And sometimes because my message won’t get heard if I sit square on, talk loudly and say something smart all at the same time.

4.    Sometimes I speak last—as I try to be conscious of my white privilege and not  talk over others. 

5.    I sometimes ask permission—because being submissive turns me on.

6.    Sometimes I apologize—because maybe I fucked up? 

7.    I sometimes smile inappropriately—because I’m an awkward bisexual!

8.    Sometimes I don’t have the privilege to not “Play Fair”—because women often get called stupid for trying to think on their own, while men get praised for “thinking outside the box”.

9.    I sometimes feel invisible—because I am not appreciated for who I am in masculine-centric corporate culture.

 10.  I sometimes offer a limp handshake—well sure why not? All handshakes are beautiful!